EXOMAXI BLOG Playlist: Ambient 1: Music for Airports - Brian Eno My Abuser Was My Designer - Jyonni :3 It’s been some time since the day I left the hospital. It was the end of November last year when I had my second domestic dispute with a former lover I met through a queer dating app. (TAIMI) I know this sounds like a bad setup for a shitty joke, but sometimes; usually unsolicited, you are that joke. No pun intended. :3 What you can imagine, I’m sure, is something over the top and dramatic, and yeah, it kinda was, but the fine details are hella blurry, per usual. It’s a shame to admit that you can actually miss them. A friend you thought you knew. A question you wanted to ask. A joke you wanted to make. A story you wanted to tell. So the question to ask yourself honestly is “how did we get here?” And, “Will it happen again?” ______________________ Jyonni :3 Exomaxi Blog - 2 “BUT FIRST!” Some Context. Meeting them for the first time was probably my first red flag; our conversation was nice for hours, and we shared a lot of hits from their bong. I was certainly attracted to them right off the bat, but I usually keep my guard up during these precious moments of first contact in what I would call the queer dating/hookup sphere, and it’s a hard line to navigate too. Some days you think things and fantasize about what a perfect world could look like, but unfortunately, the reality of a potential situation is often clouded by, well, I can honestly admit, a little hope. And a lot of folks have died for that, and less. RED FLAG NUMBER 1: Cuddling is okay for me; some folks don’t like physical touch, but as someone who loves it and craves it, :3 there’s a point when a threshold is reached and a boundary is met. We were making out, and I was genuinely smiling at the sound of our lips touching softly. We had met once prior, but it was only for a short time. This night I had wanted to spend the night and cuddle. Of course, I was open to the idea that intercourse was a possibility; it always is (for me at least). However, I always use condoms and am a safe sex individual. Not just for my protection but also the respect for the act of sex itself and the trust that comes with the other person. :3 And if I don’t have condoms, then I don’t have sex. Unless there is a relationship, or at the very least, communicated respectfully. That is a boundary and lifestyle choice I make, and if the other person disagrees with this, then we can have a mutual understanding. But what happened with this old friend of mine was nothing short of a pure disregard for my well-being and personal beliefs. SCENE 1 J: “I don’t fuck without condoms; it’s kinda of a thing I live by since this will be our first time hooking up.” T:“It’s okay, I have an IUD.” J: “I understand that, but I still don’t want to have sex tonight; that’s my decision.” T: “Ughh— you do realize the amount of pain and literal torture I had to go through to get this.” J: “To be honest, it’s really fucked up that you’re still trying to pursue me after I’ve clearly told you no.” - Angrily turns around - T: “What’s fucked up is that you’re not listening to me.” “I told you it’s fine.” J: “I’m not in the mood now; I’d rather just leave.” T : “Fucking go then.” - Grabs things and leaves - End scene Is what I should have done and not looked back, but I ended up staying and just offered to cuddle instead because I just wanted to feel that again after a long while. So I ended up leaving the following morning and forgave them shortly after that interaction. They apologized profusely, and of course, I forgave them because I was a sucker for guilt back then. I still struggle with keeping my boundaries and enforcing them. So as I ignored this giant red flag that flew over my horizon, big as the sun itself, I walked directly into the shadow of this extremely steep valley and entered unknowingly into a realm that would take me back to some roots of mine and one hell of an alchemical process. ___________________________________ Jyonni :3 Exomaxi blog - 04/28/26 - part 3 Playlist: Dark Ambient Liminal Mix It’s quite the long story since that incident, I actually had another occasion shortly after while on a date together at the restaurant they were working at during that time. I really wish I got up and left there too, but every opportunity I should have took to run fell short as I quite honestly looked the other way and thought I could handle them. I thought at the time it was just another inconvenience or even something this friend of mine could work through with patience. Lots of patience, more than I ended up mustering. I definitely enjoyed their company, they were eccentric, sensual, and fun to be around for sure. Especially after becoming a bit closer and intimately familiar. I thought I was getting to know a long lasting friend, albeit one with some attitude problems and selfishness. I Definitely a lot of friends and family that could fit that description a little so they were no different. I will say I should have had more self respect in the beginning and trusted my definition of what a healthy friend looks like; Chicago had already shown me the importance of that and not wearing yourself to thin so I would say its about the only thing I was ignoring at the time. After a couple of weeks; less than a month id say, they told me the real reason they were on this app and why we had been getting to know each other, SCENE 2: (WAKEMONO - Boystown) J: “You’re being evicted from your apt, and you’re looking for roommates to potentially move with?” T: “Yeah the guy I found on Facebook queer Chicago said I was on the lease and I’ve been paying him like $1000.00 to rent that room-“ [eats sushi] [sips water] T: “One of the other roommates told me she might be able to move in so I thought I could look for another person who was queer to move in, oh she also has a dog but he’s cute-“ J: “Oh if there’s gonna be a dog im for sure not interested, nothing against dogs, but my parents burnt me out with having pets that I really dont want to deal with pets until I get my own house.” “ Besides, Im pretty good where im at so im not really looking to move any time soon.” T: “Well I just really thought you’d be down since you have to deal with your cis roommate being weird?” J: “Yeah but its a small price to pay considering the location, maybe if it was just you and me I might consider it.” [shuffles around on phone] T: “Well she still hasn’t got back to me yet about a date so I guess she’s still undecided, I kinda worried about what im going to do.” J: “what’s your credit score like.” T: “700 or something.” J: “Damn that’s pretty good actually, better than mine haha.” “ Well I mean I guess I can help you look for apt and like take you to some showings, thats the least I can do.” [scribbles numbers on napkin] [calculations and averages] J: “Considering that you’re already paying like a thousand a month, and get paid like what 12-14 a month?” T: “Yea.” J: “Yeah you should be good with just one other person, how long have you been at your job?” T: “Like 8 months?” J: “Okay that’s a bit shorter than I anticipated, what you do before?” T “Well I was a dog groomer working up towards the Northside, I did that for a couple years and loved it till the manger fired me, cause she hated me by the me!” J: “Got it.” “I mean your employed now I gets that’s all that matters.” END SCEAN Wakemono is actually a great sushi place in the Boystown area, great atmosphere and I usually take all my dates there since I love the place so much. The sushi and appetizers are always so good and it’s definitely on the Jyonni Recommends list! ____________________________________ Jyonni :3 Exomaxi Blog - Part 4 Searching for an affordable apt in the city sucks, and having to play the role as a CiS couple sucks even worse. This is where I believe that got the notion we are becoming a couple and where my attitude towards them became more distant and emotionless. Cause it’s one thing to pretend; but at some point you know, that stops becoming so sweet and starts to become a problem. After looking around in the Howard, Rodgers Park, Lincoln Park, Logan square, Uptown, Boystown, and Humboldt Park areas, I was getting a bit discouraged as to how we were gonna get this friend of mine into a safe environment. They had been denied several times now; and even with my combined income, we weren’t getting hits. Things where starting to look bleak for them and as their friend I felt like I could offer them a place to crash until they got their own place. Yeah, Definitely not a smart idea. I had done this once before for a person who I had a brief encounter with about a year prior to this, and to be honest that individual was incredibly respectful of my time and space. Unlike the former friend I met on TAIMI. I guess that’s why I didn’t think it would be a big deal to host them so eagerly at my apartment. Surely they would be the same? After a month of them being in my room however; I started having problems with my actual roommate so this couldn’t go on anymore and I had to let them know it was time for them to figure this out on their own. Except I ended up helping move into and sign up for a 2 year lease in the uptown neighborhood. I met them middle of feb 2025 and signed a lease and become their official roommate April 1st 2025. It really didn’t take that long, and I was already having problems with their inability to take their life seriously since wouldn’t you know it, They lost their job at the restaurant in the first week of March. :/ That was a stressful situation for sure, but I assured them everything would be okay as long as they found something by May since the building gave us 2 free months as a small promotional offer. I gave them my computer to use to find jobs and asked about their resume. SCENE 3: J:”Do you have any print outs of your resume?’ T: “Well I actually need to update it, I paid some dude to do it for me on fiver and this is what he sent.” [shows pdf on phone] J: “Umm this says you were unemployed for 2 years between 2023 - 2025?” “What where you doing in between that time frame cause they are definitely gonna ask you about that” T: [cringes softly] “I was in Florida being held against my will by my asshole father and he wouldn’t let me come back to Chicago until I went to this christian rehab center that basically forces you to convert and play along until they deem you fit to leave!” J: “What the fuck? That’s insane like why did you even have this gap on your resume to begin with, and you haven’t changed the address either so this looks like you still live in Florida applying for jobs in Chicago?” T: “Did you listen to what I said?” J: “Yeah I did but to be honest, your employer is gonna give to fucks about that-“ T: “Dont be mean-“ J: “im getting real tired of hearing you say im being mean when Im just be fucking honest here. You got me involved with all this and now Im seeing you really are not equipped to do this shit on your own.” “ when I met you I assumed you had everything in order since your like 26 going on 27 in Sept so yeah!” End Scene I had Coachella 2025 wknd 2 coming upon April 18-21st so I was already looking forward to that since the year prior, I wasn’t about to miss this so this person could find a job! It was here I started to realize that this may be taking a turn for the worst. On top of this melodrama, I was also dealing with roaches and bed bug problems at this shitty uptown apt. It was the only place that accepted us and the only one they could potentially afford on their own when they were employed. Now I was stuck with the bill, their mental health problems; and what I didn’t foresee at the time, their psychotic, schizophrenic meltdowns and the eventual harm it would do me. Physically and mentally. ____________________________ Jyonni :3 Exomaxi blog - 04/29/26 STATUS UPDATE: “You know today was a good day, I’ve been working on my new album and since this is gonna be a new band as well I thought I d jought something down or atleast mention it. This new song is definatly inspired by INTERPOL for sure haha, I mean they were awesome at Coachella and to also take into consideration that I wrote bittersweet at the same time lol. It’s funny cause this will complete an album and id say it was pretty damn quick considering that it took 5 years to actually record the Saiyo stuff and the two separate Ep’s. I guess it’s because I’ve defiantly grown as a song writer and I’ve stripped a lot down in these new songs. The melodies are sick and once I find another guitarist to do what I ask it’ll be sweet! All in all tho, id really like folks to play who can just hear what im going for.” :3 ————— Jyonni So Cochella was awesome, I went with a very good friend of mine that I will always be grateful for meeting! :3 She had her birthday coming up and I was excited to spend some time with her in Palm Springs, I mean this was Cochella and she told me this was her first time as well. Naturally I gladly accepted when she asked if I wanted to go. Um yeah?! Fuck Yeah! After A 4-5 hour GreyHound bus ride, meeting a Mushroom Lady (who was a hell of a uber driver), A nice stay at an air bnb (that was in some music video), and some new friends :3, I flew back to Chicago April 22. It took them about 2 months to find a job, which Is what I expected since it’s Chicago, that’s the city for you. ——————————————————INTERLUDE————————————————————— If you ever had to fill out an Order of Protection by yourself in a big ass court house, then I really hope there was a friend or family member by your side. As someone who did it alone at 28, it really makes you feel small. It’s a big ass stack of paper and you are required to be as thorough as you can be for your own safety and also protection. It can be re-tramatizing to have to recount everything, especially if it just happened for the 2nd time. It has to be a 2ndd time if the act doesn’t warent the protection order. To fight against a blatant accusation of harassment. You need to know, Their Full name and any allies they use: (mine had a lot) Their address: (They didn’t have one but the one we shared) Any visible features/hair color/eyes/ identifying factors: (they had a scar on their chest but frequently wore colored lenses.) Date of Birth (not zodiac) An account of everything you can remember that was harmful in any way to you and any occurrence in which said harm was done. (As triggering as you might think) Of course the amount of time it’s gonna take for you to fill all this out, but dont worry! The court should have a reference for you to look at so you dont get lost! How nice. —————— Jyonni :3 Exomaxi blog - 4/30/26 Things had escalated once with my former lover/roommate/friend, I used to love to see them smile and laugh but now I couldn’t even be around them with out being on edge. If you ever had a narcissistic parent im sure you know the feeling off being numb for the rest of the day. When they would scream at me when they didn’t get their way or do what they wanted it would leave me with such a heavy and tired feeling. After a while you become conditioned to it and I really wanted to get away from this person at this point. Lots of fights about cuddling/intimacy, most of the time I just gave in to appease them and feel guilty about not standing on my principal’s later. It was vicious. I wasn’t a saint in all this either, there were some times when I really shouldn’t have said something to them and told them sweet nothings either. SCENE 4: [making pizza dough] J: “You know id like to be more than this sometime?” “You just got to do better for me sweet heart, you can’t be out here hanging with all this folks from these apps.” T: “yeah?” J:[nods head and touches their chin softly] “Maybe even have a family someday?” “I dont know-“ T: [Hugs tightly] “I know im sorry im so fucked up haha, Im going to do better k.” J: [hugs tightly] “as long as you do your best that’s enough for me.” [kisses and embraces passionately] END SCENE I did tell them while I was at chella 25 that I missed and loved them. They said it back and I smiled genuinely because I did feel that way at the time. I wish it could stayed that way now and I would be asleep next to them. In a perfect world that doesn’t exist. Because they not only left bruises and hand marks on my body that took weeks to heal, but also left me with trauma I did not need after a long adjust period living in Chicago. The first incident was crazy enough, I usually am good at de-escalation and calming a situation down. They just kept pushing and pushing the envelope till things actually got physical. One minute its a bad argument, I fling some stuff out of their hands and table because I just had enough of their controlling and manipulative behavior. From Dangling themselves out a window on our 10th floor 1 bed apt, constantly raising their voice, rude and self-centered attitude, Constant over talking and the worst was being told I was interupting them while giving verball cues that they have my 100% attention. I just had enough and yeah it was wrong to fling shit out of their hand but I didn’t expect what came after. So the police take 45 mins to show up since it’s a shitty neighborhood and they couldn’t care less that there was a situation here. I spent that time trying to calm them down and appalogizing but it just seemed that none of it mattered and they just wanted to scream and berate me, physically grab my arms and waist HARD. Digging their acrylic nails into my flesh and squeezing as hard as they can. I didn’t want hurt them so I kept pushing them off of me into our shitty mattress laying on an old frame on the floor. They cut their hand open bracing themselves for a fall. They had just healed from a previous injury during market days so I really was trying to be mindful of their wellbeing. I know it’s all so fucked up, even recounting it in my head it barely feels real. I was able to calm things down once the blue lights were flashing outside, I told them Im going to let the police in and tell them that we have the situation under control. The cops came inside and I explained my half of the story and they explained theirs, in a very calm and collect demeanor. One I was actually kinda of startled with since we just had this big falling out. One of the officer’s suggested that I find somewhere else to live, and as much as I didn’t want to have to do that, that is exactly what I had to do. I grabbed everything that could fit in my car and left my bed, furniture, anything I couldn’t take and told them that they could have It all. They insisted that I tell them where I was going so they wouldn’t stay up at night worrying about me and my safety. I told them I was staying with a friend but I was actually staying in my rehearsal space here near Midway Airport. I left that morning exhausted, beaten, traumatized but happy to be away from them. In truth I had such a bittersweet feeling about everything and thought back to that night in February, “What the fuck man?” [ drives off ] “I should have never downloaded that stupid, fucking dating app!” ————————————————— Jyonni :3